sick/myself, some years ago
Sick. Aching body and head, feeling weak, feeling so tired. I've cast off today as a productive one. However, while sitting making hot tea, the dogs perfect angels at my feet - almost as though they understand I need peace - and a lot of time on my hands, I went upstairs to retrieve four or five movies, in the hopes that I just might stay in bed until tomorrow.
But on my way back down, I paused and inspected some storage boxes in the hall. Several old journals were piled up in one, and I added them to the stack.
I've kept a diary since I was 10 when one was given to me as a present. Then I recorded the serious dramas of which teachers were strict and how much homework I had. Honestly, a good deal of page space was given to the woes of homework demands. I moved on to talking about, even talking to, boys, in my pre-teens. Commentaries regaring three-way call tricks in which I'd call such and such, asked if he liked what's her name, what's her name being on the line the whole time without such and such knowing a thing. The brilliance of three way calling for teenage girls. That, along with an obsession with horseback riding. Pretty cool kid. These were the things I wrote about, and I wrote often.
As I got older, and especially in college, this habit tapered a bit. I suppose I found other things to do with my time. I've got some of the more recent journals here, and the whole collection at home. Amusingly, from the trouble with fourth-grade history to the search for a career in my early twenties, the journals remain consistent in their sparsity of detail and overabundence of emotion. I was...am constantly trying to figure things out, I suppose.
A few choice selections I thought I would share:
March 2, 1999 (I travelled abroad the semester before this had a rough time adjusting to life in Boston after my return)
I haven't felt very happy in a while. I've been back at school having a wonderful time. A great time. Except for the happiness issue.
July 18, 1999
Life Goals:
-adopt a greyhound
-live in Maine
-be on the radio
October 20, 2001 (this was after I met J, but still living with the ex - at that time current - boyfriend)
Trivially, really, I want to become a little more in shape so these jeans don't feel so tight. More importantly, I'm going to need to make some major decisions.
But on my way back down, I paused and inspected some storage boxes in the hall. Several old journals were piled up in one, and I added them to the stack.
I've kept a diary since I was 10 when one was given to me as a present. Then I recorded the serious dramas of which teachers were strict and how much homework I had. Honestly, a good deal of page space was given to the woes of homework demands. I moved on to talking about, even talking to, boys, in my pre-teens. Commentaries regaring three-way call tricks in which I'd call such and such, asked if he liked what's her name, what's her name being on the line the whole time without such and such knowing a thing. The brilliance of three way calling for teenage girls. That, along with an obsession with horseback riding. Pretty cool kid. These were the things I wrote about, and I wrote often.
As I got older, and especially in college, this habit tapered a bit. I suppose I found other things to do with my time. I've got some of the more recent journals here, and the whole collection at home. Amusingly, from the trouble with fourth-grade history to the search for a career in my early twenties, the journals remain consistent in their sparsity of detail and overabundence of emotion. I was...am constantly trying to figure things out, I suppose.
A few choice selections I thought I would share:
March 2, 1999 (I travelled abroad the semester before this had a rough time adjusting to life in Boston after my return)
I haven't felt very happy in a while. I've been back at school having a wonderful time. A great time. Except for the happiness issue.
July 18, 1999
Life Goals:
-adopt a greyhound
-live in Maine
-be on the radio
October 20, 2001 (this was after I met J, but still living with the ex - at that time current - boyfriend)
Trivially, really, I want to become a little more in shape so these jeans don't feel so tight. More importantly, I'm going to need to make some major decisions.
posted by Cara Maria McDonough at 9:48 AM
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